Looking Ahead ---->

I am facing the world alone--

--well minus amazing family and my 'always-got-your-back' friends

Damn. I. Love. Them.

Give Thanks

I used to take so many people and material things for granted. I am steadily falling out of that realm.

I no longer take love for granted but rather strive to divvy it out to others & not take offense if none is returned.

My family is a prized possession, I don't know why I didn't realize this sooner.

Friends are the bread & butter of life-I have no idea where I'd be without them.

This Thursday my Grandma held a Thanksgiving feast at her house. It was chaotic and calming all at once-it was incredible. I played with my 3 & 4 year old cousins for hours.  They taught me more about laughing than I have done in a couple months. I love them to pieces. The food was to die for with plenty of leftovers of course! And the family was the best healing I could ever recieve. With all that said I cannot wait for Christmas!

Perfect get-away.....now if only i had a teepee and a Mac.

                                                             (hint,hint)

Love After Love

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
 to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror
Sit. Feast on your life.

--Derek Walcott

The words and ideas found while reading is endless. ahhhh....Soak it up. I am.

Early Resolutions

*I never resort to name calling, but this is one exception.

Runnin'

I've started a new kick. Wish I had man's best friend to run with. That'd be heaven.

Now all I want for Christmas is....







wayy better than any man : )

Today

I'm finally realizing how much more I deserve for myself.

You have broken me down but I'm sure as hell not staying there.

One day you'll realize the friend you, yourself, decided to get rid of.

As of right now I'm starting to sing for me.

That day is today.



iffy day

HIGH POINT:  NEW HAIR COLOR!

LOW POINT:  you don't need to hear it.

THE BEST POINT:

Had a great conversation with my hairsylist, doesn't that always seem to happen? She is a very strong woman. Three kids the oldest 15 and youngest being 5.  She always puts them first even before her "piece of work" boyfriend.  Damn I like her thinking. She has her priorities in line. That's what I am beginning to do as well. And it makes me feel a hell of alot better about myself. 

Zzzz...

I feel like sleeping for days. End of story. 

i miss this.

So instead maybe.....

Perfectly Me.

I'm not having the most creative night. But this little excerpt made me feel better. Try not to judge yourself--

it makes things harder, at least in my case.

you're gonna miss this Heart of Gold

Today was a trial

I realized that you think you're doing the right thing. & that it still hurts.
I also realized that I am maybe stronger than I think I am. & that feels empowering.

you're going to miss this

yeah, you're gonna miss this face

gonna miss these kisses

who am i to tell you what to do

you're not the type to do what you're told

but let me tell you, you're gonna miss this heart of gold

--Ashlyne Huff

These are some powerful words and tonight I'm singing them loud and clear.



three hundred sixty-five

Another year has come and gone since the day my wonderful/beautiful/loving/amazing MOM decided to go through the pain of having a child. I am so greatful for her and owe her everything!

Today had its UPS & downs.

• The up being that I had an awesome friend's (MCKI) mom cook me a birthday supper and then surprise me with one of my other amazing friends (EMILY) while there. She showed up with a bouquet of flowers-just for me.
• The down-wishing I could have had my day with you & then wondering if you even cared. that sucked.

Through it all I'm still here. I did it.

Now to show you what fun I had on Wednesday with some of my girls. : )

Ahh ...a group of my saving graces. I'll never take any of you for granted!

Texas Roadhouse got to hear a chorus of YEEHAWSS from our table! 

I am going to smile. I am going to love. I am going to live. 

Hurts & Heals

Love can make you feel like you're flying high,

Then just like that you're flat on your face wondering why.

In the end you know you'll be ok,

Yet there is so much more you want to change.

Time will show that love can heal. Already I've felt it through the helping hands & hearts of my friends and family.  Whether they are right next door, on the eastern/western North Dakota border, I know they are and will be here for me and I for them. That's what heals the heart.

BIRTHDAY SUPPER!

Texas Roadhouse is going to get a taste of me and a couple of my Girls tonight.

It will be alot laughter & smiles & talking about life.

I CAN'T WAIT

I'll update you on the fun we had later :D

My Hands

 

love, Love, LOVE this song.

(Hands by Jewel)

If I could tell the world just one thing

It would be that we're all OK

And not to worry 'cause worry is wasteful

And useless in times like these

I won't be made useless

I won't be idle with despair

I will gather myself around my faith

For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small, I know
But they're not yours, they are my own
But they're not yours, they are my own
And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes

It didn't steal your laughter

And heartache came to visit me

But I knew it wasn't ever after

We'll fight, not out of spite

For someone must stand up for what's right

'Cause where there's a man who has no voice

There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

But they're not yours, they are my own

I am never broken

In the end only kindness matters

In the end only kindness matters

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

I will get down on my knees, and I will pray

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

My hands are small I know

But they're not yours, they are my own

But they're not yours, they are my own

And I am never broken

We are never broken

We are God's eyes

God's hands

God's mind

We are God's eyes

God's hands

God's heart

We are God's eyes

God's hands

God's eyes

We are God's hands

We are God's hands

More than anything I'm beginning to realize that I must live and love for myself.

That to WORRY is overrated.

Trust in the BIG MAN, he knows what He's doing

And that going out and being with family and friends is the BEST heartbreak medicine one could ever ask for.

A New Start

Today:

• I resolved personal conflict.
• I made plans to be bold, outgoing & independent
• I told alot of my friends and family I love them
• I told myself to KNOCK'EM DEAD
• I vowed to be myself
• I realized that I will be ok